Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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