i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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