Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
