Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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