He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
