I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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