I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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