Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
