It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
