I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
