Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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