kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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