Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
