when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
