Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
