I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
