Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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