Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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