2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
