Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
