We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
