Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
