She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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