Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
