Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
