Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
