I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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