I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Enjoy the penises
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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