Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
