There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
