I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
