theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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