what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
