I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
