i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
