He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
