guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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