I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
