I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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