Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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