I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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