only you would photoshop your dick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
