I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
