I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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