On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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