I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
