worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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