You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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