Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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