Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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