Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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