I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
