if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
