the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
