The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
